Pictures, Swimsuits, & Body Love

 Ivan and I will celebrate our three year wedding anniversary in August!

We haven't had professional pictures taken since our engagement pictures... O_o

I am to blame for that; though Ivan would never suggest getting pictures done, (Why do we need to? It's only been three years! Nothing has changed! *bless those handsome oblivious eyes) I have intentionally postponed them for years now on account of being "too fat".  With each passing year, I discover & set a new standard of "too fat". I have a MUCH ROUNDER face and body thanks to the 35+ extra lbs I've picked up & struggled to shed along the 3 year journey but I finally summoned enough body love to say enough is enough and have pictures taken.

A lot of women my age (27) get to justify weight gain due to changes from pregnancy and child bearing.  I have not had any children.  Some women have health conditions which have caused their weight gain.  Also, not the case for me (of which I am grateful). The weight I've gained is nothing but evidence of my poor stress management and nasty habit of emotional eating.  Correct me if I'm wrong, society is more understanding & forgiving of women who have gained weight in pregnancy or health related causes while all other reasons seem unpardonable and hardly worth a sympathetic ear.  Reasons like mine are usually deemed a fault of the individual: negligent, lazy, etc.   

There's a proud and loud movement of mommies advocating for other mommies to love their bodies: "I'm beautiful.  My stretch marks are proof that I brought life into this world and that means more than your opinion of me." "Your body is not ruined; you're a damn tiger who earned her stripes."  "Stretch marks are nature's badge of achievement.  They show that you suffered morning sickness, heartburn, back pain and child bearing to bring a new life into this world.  Wear your badge with pride."

All really nice and empowering as long as you are a mom... and have indeed EARNED your "stripes" or "badge/s of achievement" from child bearing...

I recently read Mom's, Put on That Swimsuit  Again, really nice but I was hoping that although I'm not a mom, as a woman I would find encouragement.  Instead, I think I found a phenomenon similar to the mama bear phenomenon. Mama bear defined by Urban Dictionary, "a mom who can be cuddly and lovable but also has a ferocious side when it's necessary to protect her cubs." I've witnessed several occasions where mothers who are seemingly reserved and laid back, with little to say, suddenly burst out of their shell and voice a loud or aggressive opinion when they felt their child was being treated unfairly or poorly.  Mama bears want their children to be safe and protected and will go to great lengths to ensure they are.

I am of the opinion that most moms will do ANYTHING for their children.  Yes, even put on a swimsuit if they believed it would make a difference in their child's life. Mama BEARave (brave): a mom who is insecure and vulnerable but also has a brave side and will take on any challenge if it will make a difference in their child's well being & happiness. Mama BEARaves want their children to be happy and will sacrifice their personal insecurities to answer their children's wants and needs.

I applaud the mommies contributions to the body love movement.  I have many loved ones who are mothers and I, myself, hope to one day be a mom. But I wish instead of using mommy specific language, it could be a more encompassing, inclusive body love movement because body insecurities are not limited to mommies and women. (and in case you didn't know stretchmarks are not limited to mommies) Children, teenagers, men, & women with varying and diverse backgrounds are in need of body love encouragement.

NO ONE should feel hindered because of body shame. Body shame has caused some of us to pass up another summer of swimsuit wearing.  Some avoid the camera like a plague.  How sad to let insecurities of our bodies hold us back from experiencing all the wonderful things life has to offer, accomplishing goals and dreams. 


So yes,  mommies get in your swimsuits! Women get in your swimsuits!  Men get in your swimsuits! Children and teenagers, get in your swimsuits! Summer is for ALL of us to enjoy! Life is to be enjoyed, discovered, & experienced.

Social Media Break

For the last couple months, I've had the itch to leave Facebook again.  I think when you've left FB before and have experienced the advantages of having a break from social media, you will never forget the clarity & freedom that comes & will CRAVE to have that back!

Some of the things I loved most about my previous 6 month break from social media:

1. I heard 62.35% of what Ivan said instead of 20.55%
2. We communicated more during car rides, at home & restaurants since I wasn't glued to my phone
3. I took time to pause, reflect, & plan each morning & night instead of beginning and ending each day with social media newsfeeds

 

Loki picture

4. I was forced to be more creative when boredom hit
5. I saw those around me while waiting in line at the grocery store or bank, dentist or Dr appointments,  I said hello instead of using my phone as an escape from awkward interactions

6. I felt FREE, free from receiving or passing judgment, free from those annoying addictive social media habits, free from the many facades on social media, free to just enjoy a moment-to not feel pressure to capture a picture as proof of the great things I'd experienced, free to be more present in my life and in the lives of those around me
7. I felt more AWARE-aware of myself and those around me
8. I looked up, not sideways- looked up towards God's opinion instead of others' opinions
9. I began to enjoy the season of life I'm in, instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses on social media
10. I realized there are MANY good ways to live and experience a fulfilling and happy life, many of which are not portrayed on social media
11. I saw my goals, values, and priorities CLEARLY, simply

So why did I ever come back?  On my immediate family's side, I have 15 siblings, 9 bro/sis in-laws, 38? nieces and nephews. On my husband's side, he has 13 siblings, 10 bro/sis in-laws, 41? nieces and nephews.  Keeping up with family is much easier/more convenient to do on social media.  This time around, I'd like to make a habit of calling, using Skype more, & driving to visit them.

I also felt like FB provided a quick & easy way to have my bucket filled. link to bucketfill-osophy Some days I just wanted/needed to hear a compliment from someone other than my husband.  I've noticed it's easier to share a compliment on a picture or post than it is to voice a compliment in person. Wish I didn't feel this need...but I'm human and I'm still learning and growing.

I don't think social media is the enemy.  I do think some of us are better managers of our time spent on social media than others.  For me, it's harder to experience the advantages I listed WHILE participating in social media.  Ideally, I'd like this "break" to be indefinite, but we shall see! 

I will continue to blog, so you can find my latest happenings here!

Nillionaire

As I entered the upper division classes of my senior year of college, the classes became MUCH smaller and I started to feel misplaced as I got to know my colleagues better.  One day in particular, they were discussing their philosophies on being frugal:  "A shirt that is more than $15 is too expensive", "I give my husband a spending allowance of $5 a month", "I will only buy the 88 cent shampoo and conditioner", "my roommate threw away bread that was moldy, I took it out of the garbage, picked the mold off, and ate it for the next week".  As they continued to one-up each other, I sat SILENTLY, shrinking in my chair; I was in a major with a bunch of crAzy penny pinchers and I was nothing shy of a shopaholic...

I have a bachelor's degree in Family Consumer Human Development with an emphasis in Family Finance and I am a Nillionaire.

The process of drafting a budget, manipulating numbers to see various financial scenarios of what COULD be, is my favorite.  The DISCIPLINE it takes to actually FOLLOW a budget, not my favorite; however being a Nillionaire is also not my favorite so I've got no choice but to figure this money thing out.

I have experimented with various budgeting methods but my preferred method is pencil and paper budget forms.  Here are a few financial forms I've created.  I've got several others I adapted from various forms which I'd be glad to e-mail to you. 

Comparison of the recommended, budgeted, actual, & goal percentages.

 Currently, 50% of our income is going to debt: credit cards,  student loans, and car loan.  We are making power payments or snowball debt payments, can't wait to be debt free!

I created the year at-a-glance form to track progress of money spent on variable expenses-expenses that change from month to month.

Revolving savings allows you to plan out irregular expenses or revolving expenses-the expected but often forgotten expenses: annual car registration, quarterly oil changes, annual amazon subscription, birthday expenses, holidays, vacations, etc.

 Ivan and I have separate accounts. (I know it's not recommended, but it's an intentional decision we made) This form helps me keep track of ALLLL our account login info. I know where WE stand financially, I don't have to wonder or guesstimate, I can access his accounts and he can access my accounts.

No Pickle Juice For Me, Thanks!

The end of August 2014, I deactivated my Facebook account for 6 months.  I had several reasons for leaving, but one of the biggest reasons?  

JEALOUSY.  

It was a long time coming, but the following is the condensed version of how I had come to this sad sorry state:

I was married in August 2012 and finished my bachelor's degree in December 2012.  I felt myself suddenly entering a new season of life: 25 years old, a newly wed & college graduate.  All very exciting!  But, now what? 

Being married opened new possibilities. Babies is what filled my mind.  I became EVER MINDFUL of EVERYONE having babies.  Babies had overtaken my Facebook news feed.  In reality, I was just NOW REALLY SEEING them.

Along with having babies,  I watched my cohort buy houses, get promotions, move into an even more gorgeous house, entertain and maintain friendships, go on vacations galore, sport new cars, attend concerts and NFL & NBA games, host parties, etc., etc.
 

I was blind with envy!  So jealous, I lost sight of who I am, what I stand for and value, and what MY goals are.  I saw how many comments and "likes" others' received and believed that proved they lead the most ideal lives-LIVES TO BE SOUGHT AFTER. 

 It was like I was watching each person advertise and market their life as the best/most fulfilling way to live and be happy and I was falling for it.  I wanted a slice of THEIR happiness.   

It wasn’t until I took my 6 month break, that I realized I don’t REALLY desire to have that stuff!  Not because they aren't worthy goals or dreams but because they're NOT MY goals or dreams.  They don't align with MY values.  If I have extra money to spend, I wouldn’t choose to spend it on tickets to a concert or NBA game.  Honestly, I'd use it to pay off student loans or just go out to dinner. Boring!  I am an introvert and have always had a small circle of friends so hosting a barbecue with a large group isn’t my thing either and IT’S OK. 

Furthermore, I realized my introverted,  private life would not be desired, upheld, or celebrated on Facebook.    Yyyyep, I was seeking validation from Facebook friends.  Likes and comments showing I had chosen to live a great life.  I had to learn that others' approval and opinions of how I am living my life does NOT matter and I should NOT put my self esteem in such careless hands.  That I don't need likes and comments to know I am living a great life for me. 

I had to learn to LOOK UP, NOT SIDEWAYS.  

"A challenge for all of us is not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how Heavenly Father sees us." -Carl B. Cook

So, how do you not get jealous when others have the stuff you DO desire?

I'd like to have children, I'd like to buy a house. But they're not in my immediate future.  Couple things have helped me:

1.   Faith. 

All the wonderful quotes by Jeffrey R. Holland are from his talk The Laborers in the Vineyard .  This talk reminds me that God is merciful, that there is a time and season for everything and to have faith that MY TIME will come.  There will be a time for having babies and buying a house. Be patient, have faith, keep moving forward!

2. Don't be a silent stalker.  

I decided that instead of silently stalking, letting jealousy eat me up I will make my presence known by "liking" their post or picture, or comment to share my honest opinion. "I think what you're doing is awesome! I look up to you! I admire your adventurous nature!"  

Once, I put my admiration into words for them to see, it no longer feels like jealousy.  I openly admit that I admire them or something they have done and move on with my life.  If I can't stop thinking about something they have shared.  I ask myself if it is something I desire for myself, if so, I work towards making it a part of my life and thank them for calling it to my attention.

What do you do to fend off jealousy?

I am a Housewife & I am Enough!

Today marks my ONE YEAR anniversary AS A HOUSEWIFE!

As I reflect on the past year, I'm reminded of the struggles I've had to maintain confidence in the importance and value of being a housewife.  At times, I felt engulfed in passion for my work as a housewife and then other times felt like a nobody as I struggled to answer the simple question, "WHAT DO YOU DO?" each time a stranger asked.

A simple question but I've yet to find my simple answer. (The thought to memorize Renee's quote HAS crossed my mind).  How do you sum up the work of a housewife?  Everyday is different.  I get to decide what I want to do every. single. day.  I do everything from the regular routine stuff:  cooking, cleaning, errands, caring for my honey, etc.  To accomplishing goals and dreams: planning, budgeting, learning new skills, reading everything self improvement, trying new things, etc. And yes, some days I do nothing but lounge and be lazy. (Truthfully, taxing on my emotional & mental well-being:not my favorite way to spend a day)

The good, the bad, the ugly, I LOVE being a housewife.

 I realize many may scoff and sneer at the notion that I might actually find fulfillment in something so simple but alas here it is:

I am a Housewife & I am Enough.

When I need to be reminded of my worth I remember this simple quote from a great talk: Look Up

Minimalist Wannabe

Since my last post, I found Becoming Minimalist on Facebook and have felt so inspired and motivated to make some big changes towards minimizing our belongings.  I decided to start with the worst closet-closet #2.  It was an ugly, but rewarding project! 

I had no vision of what I wanted the end product to look like, no plan for how I would get rid of stuff so it was quite a process.  It took me THREE LONG days to de-junk this space.

In the previous post I talked about reducing numbers by 25-50%, so  I chose to start with what I considered the funnest part of de-junking-INVENTORY.  I took inventory of the jeans in this closet (& closet #1) and slashed the number in half.

It was an immediate reward for my minimizing efforts and just what I needed to keep going!

By the end of day 2 things were looking MUCH better....at least INSIDE the closet was.

  This is my office (where closet #2 is located) during the de-junking phase. NOT pretty!

Here's inside my much better closet by the end of day 2.

  I was feeling pretty accomplished at this point.  I had gotten rid of a TON of stuff but still asked, is there something MORE I could get rid of, condense or combine? Of course the answer was YES.  All of these containers held craft supplies (plus another not pictured from closet #3).  I kept the biggest 3 drawer container  and got rid of all the others

This was a bigger project than I thought it would be.  It would have gone smoother had I actually had a plan of how to de-junk BUT using my common sense got the job done and I've learned a few things I'll do differently on closet #3.

Here's all the stuff we got rid of-gave away.  The black bags are 55 gal contractor bags; they're filled with our CLOTHES.  I was sad to see how much money, effort, and time I have spent of acquiring THINGS just to never use them and eventually get rid of them.  What a waste!

My office is back to order

I should probably just leave on the unrealistic pretty note portrayed above but here's the truth:  a fraction of the junk in my closet migrated to Ivan's office and closet #3. Soooo stay tuned for the closet #3 update!

A Living Oxymoron

I am materialistic; I despise it & want to deny it but my house, closets, and storage are screaming evidence that I am; however, another part of me is an aspiring minimalist who values simplicity.  

I am made up of two completely opposite forces, and I'm seeking to find harmony and balance.

Here are some pictures of my closets.  I have already made several successful purges.  I WISH I had pictures to capture the height of the issue but these will have to do.

The picture above is the closet in our bedroom.  We bought a set of 100 wooden hangers and initially, we wanted to continue to buy more wooden hangers to replace our plastic ones; since I've been getting rid of stuff, I told Ivan I wanted to make a goal to stick to 100 pieces of clothing between the two of us! Yeah, I'm wondering if that's possible for us; may need revision but it sounded like a really awesome goal to work towards.

In college, where I gathered most of my clothing collection, I often got anxiety imagining a fire burning all my clothes and how devastated I would be.  Ridiculous, right?  

My clothes meant A LOT to me.

For YEARS, I made attempts to get rid of clothes I no longer wore or fit; I usually ended up with 5 pieces or less, I was willing to go away or donate.  You know the dialogue, "I might be able to fit this again" "I only wore this once, it's too nice to give away" etc. etc.  I also held onto things I thought I might need in the future even if that meant YEARS in the future. 

Here's our 2nd closet:

Before this purge, all the white hangers were used.  Doesn't seem like much but I did get rid of a good chunk of clothes.

The "chunk of clothes" I got rid of

Bye bye shoes

I had 15 winter coats I gave away, felt really great to get rid of them

Our 3rd Closet

I will post "after" pictures as I continue to whittle down