No Pickle Juice For Me, Thanks!

The end of August 2014, I deactivated my Facebook account for 6 months.  I had several reasons for leaving, but one of the biggest reasons?  

JEALOUSY.  

It was a long time coming, but the following is the condensed version of how I had come to this sad sorry state:

I was married in August 2012 and finished my bachelor's degree in December 2012.  I felt myself suddenly entering a new season of life: 25 years old, a newly wed & college graduate.  All very exciting!  But, now what? 

Being married opened new possibilities. Babies is what filled my mind.  I became EVER MINDFUL of EVERYONE having babies.  Babies had overtaken my Facebook news feed.  In reality, I was just NOW REALLY SEEING them.

Along with having babies,  I watched my cohort buy houses, get promotions, move into an even more gorgeous house, entertain and maintain friendships, go on vacations galore, sport new cars, attend concerts and NFL & NBA games, host parties, etc., etc.
 

I was blind with envy!  So jealous, I lost sight of who I am, what I stand for and value, and what MY goals are.  I saw how many comments and "likes" others' received and believed that proved they lead the most ideal lives-LIVES TO BE SOUGHT AFTER. 

 It was like I was watching each person advertise and market their life as the best/most fulfilling way to live and be happy and I was falling for it.  I wanted a slice of THEIR happiness.   

It wasn’t until I took my 6 month break, that I realized I don’t REALLY desire to have that stuff!  Not because they aren't worthy goals or dreams but because they're NOT MY goals or dreams.  They don't align with MY values.  If I have extra money to spend, I wouldn’t choose to spend it on tickets to a concert or NBA game.  Honestly, I'd use it to pay off student loans or just go out to dinner. Boring!  I am an introvert and have always had a small circle of friends so hosting a barbecue with a large group isn’t my thing either and IT’S OK. 

Furthermore, I realized my introverted,  private life would not be desired, upheld, or celebrated on Facebook.    Yyyyep, I was seeking validation from Facebook friends.  Likes and comments showing I had chosen to live a great life.  I had to learn that others' approval and opinions of how I am living my life does NOT matter and I should NOT put my self esteem in such careless hands.  That I don't need likes and comments to know I am living a great life for me. 

I had to learn to LOOK UP, NOT SIDEWAYS.  

"A challenge for all of us is not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how Heavenly Father sees us." -Carl B. Cook

So, how do you not get jealous when others have the stuff you DO desire?

I'd like to have children, I'd like to buy a house. But they're not in my immediate future.  Couple things have helped me:

1.   Faith. 

All the wonderful quotes by Jeffrey R. Holland are from his talk The Laborers in the Vineyard .  This talk reminds me that God is merciful, that there is a time and season for everything and to have faith that MY TIME will come.  There will be a time for having babies and buying a house. Be patient, have faith, keep moving forward!

2. Don't be a silent stalker.  

I decided that instead of silently stalking, letting jealousy eat me up I will make my presence known by "liking" their post or picture, or comment to share my honest opinion. "I think what you're doing is awesome! I look up to you! I admire your adventurous nature!"  

Once, I put my admiration into words for them to see, it no longer feels like jealousy.  I openly admit that I admire them or something they have done and move on with my life.  If I can't stop thinking about something they have shared.  I ask myself if it is something I desire for myself, if so, I work towards making it a part of my life and thank them for calling it to my attention.

What do you do to fend off jealousy?